Three Dimensional, like your mom

So there I was... Seeing Up. I was quite disgusted at how people were acting, because the movie was in 3D and apparently this was a big fucking deal to them. Obviously the risk of going to a kids movie is... well.. dealing with kids. Don't get me wrong, I love kids.* The thing about kids though, if they're not mine, or a best friends, I want nothing to do with those fuckers. I hate my own bloods children, to give you an example. "You want to hold Edwin?" In reality, I must say yes, and not purposely drop him. In my mind however, I am thinking, fuck no, get your nasty mongrel off of me before I throw him like that scene in Austin Powers 3 with Mini Me being tossed about. I am great with kids when I want to be. Thing is, I have to want to be. When I'm not, I'm ready to beat their 4 year old little asses into brake dust. So I'm there trying to enjoy this movie for what it is, and of course, along with children comes annoying adults, and food. Of course with food comes chewing, and of course with annoying adults, comes loud annoying chewing and discussing of the food and movie while it goes on. So I was a little less enamored by the movie than I might of been, had I been watching it alone, but it's whatever.

Anyways though, the movie is in 3D and people are freaking the fuck out as if the rest of the crowds head exploded. This reminded me of how people react to firework shows (ironic cause it's almost the 4th of July huh?), and how pissed off it makes me for no reason. Although I seem like a very angry person on my blogs, I am a quiet, calm, soft spoken person with a perfect personality, body type, and self image... but when people start "OOOHHHHing and AHHHHHing" about fireworks, I want to kick some heads in. I mean how long have they been around now? 4000, maybe 5000 years ago? It makes me want to walk around looking at people with cell phones, and making a scene about it.
Me- "HOLY SHIT IS THAT AN ACTUAL... CELL.... CELL PHONE!!???!!"
Them- "??... You're joking, right?"
Me "NO WAY CAN I TOUCH IT??!?!?!? HOLY FUCK THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!"
This same thing happens with 3D movies, as you can imagine.
Character 1- "HOLY SHIT DID THEY JUST USE DEPTH PERCEPTION??!?! WHAT THE FUCK?"
Character 2- "Dude 3D has been around for like 30 years."
Character 1- "3D HOLY SHIT!"
Character 2- "..." *Looks away*
Character 1- "THREE FUCKING DEE MAN!" "!!!"

Quite frust-rat-eng as an English person would say.

In other news, I was just called a "picky ass" (which is disgusting) so I'd say its time to wrap up this entry. Billy Mays died. There goes like half of my jokes without having to say "too soon" afterwords.



100 on a rural road,

Matt "soon to crash tenacious C" Stephen